After All These Years
by Mage of the Heart
Summary: You Think Of Me, I'll Think Of You... On his deathbed, looking into the eyes of Lilys son, Severus Snape remembers his childhood with her. Deathly Hallows spoilers!


**I dont own any of the Harry Potter characters**

**Some little made up memory things relating to Severus/Lily**

_**----**_

_"Look...at...me..."_

_And Harry looked. For those last fleeting moments of his life, Severus Snape saw, not the shrieking Shack, not the son of the man who had ruined his best chance of happiness, but the eyes of the woman whom he loved. And in those last few moments, he could remember every touch of her hand on his. Even as he slid away, as those eyes seemed to disappear and he fell into darkness, he could still see her. Always. After all these years..._

_----------_

"Lily!" The teenage Severus Snape, no older than thirteen, hissed at the oncoming Gryffindor girl, his best friend. She was quite alone, but even so, he was careful not to raise his voice in case Argus Filch decided to take an evening stroll on the fifth floor.

"Sev?" Lily asked, joining him in the shadow of a statue. "Why are you up here?"

Severus stared, opening his mouth, then closing it again. "I was..." he started, but then he shrugged. "I couldn't sleep!" He said indignantly.

Lily snorted. "I'm not surprised, all of those idiots in your dormitory, I'm surprised you managed three years."

Severus managed a small smile, but said nothing. He looked at her with a tilted head for several moments, then smiled broadly. "Come on!" He said, taking her hand and pulling her away. "Let's get out of here!"

"Sev!" Lily hissed as he pulled her along the corridor, "where are we going?"

"Hogsmeade!" He said. "Thank that idiot Potter in your house. I saw him sneaking out the other day. Come on, I'll show you!"

He led her to the One eyed Witch statue, taking out his wand and tapping her. "Diffindo!" He said clearly. A hole appeared in the witches back and he smiled at Lily. "Come on! It comes out in Honeydukes!"

Lily smiled nervously. "I don't know Sev... we'll get into trouble!"

"No we won't, I swear Lily! Come on." He offered her his hand. She took it nervously and walked forwards, letting him help her into the statue. He climbed after her, and they slid down into the passageway. She squeaked at the lack of light and grabbed Severus' hand. He smiled at her, although she couldn't see him, and lit his wand. The passage stretched ahead of them and she stared at him enquiringly.

"How long will this take?" She said.

"Not long." He smiled. "Come on!" He pulled her along as fast as he could, at a fast jog, until they came to the end, with a trap door above their heads. He nodded up at it, and she edged nervously up the small ladder, opening the door slowly. Severus smiled and followed her up, into the sugary warmth of the Honeydukes cellar. Lily stared at him for several moments.

"This is... it must be... miles away surely..."

Severus shrugged. "Not that far." He said and tugged her hand. "Besides, its ours for the night, come on!" He grabbed a handful of sugar quills and gave them to her. "Here."

"But we haven't paid!" She whispered softly.

He grinned. "I know Lily... that's why its so much fun!"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "You know, for someone who hates James Potter, you sure act alot like him. Sneaking in here, stealing, then tiptoeing out like nothing happened."

Severus looked at her, aghast. "Excuse me? You'd compare ME to HIM! He's a total arrogant, rule-breaking, showy arse!"

Lily shrugged. "You going to pay for these?" She asked, indicating the sugar quills.

He blushed. "I didn't bring my money, did I?"

Lily stared at him, then grabbed her own purse from her bag and threw two galleons on the nearby table. Severus watched, frowning.

"Come on then!" She pointed at the huge towers of sweet crates. "Before we wake somebody up!"

He stared, then his face cracked into a grin. "Rebel." He grabbed a packet of Droobles Best Blowing Gum and threw it to Lily. "Catch."

She smiled and tucked it into her pocket. Looking sidelong, Severus sighed. "Why couldn't you have been in Slytherin?" He asked her, watching as she picked up several Chocolate Frogs.

Lily smiled. "I'm a muggleborn Severus. You know that. And besides, it'd be better if you were in Gryffindor."

Severus stopped what he was doing. "Why? I'd only end up hexing Potter!"

Lily giggled. "That would be half the fun!" Severus straightened up and met her eyes, then smiled. He was about to open his mouth and say something when there was a creaking of stairs. He froze, then grabbed her hand and the sweets they had collected, before pulling up the trapdoor and jumping down behind her, then running as fast as they could up the passage. They kept running for several minutes, then stopped and looked at each other. Lily gasped for breath. Severus let a small smirk play across his lip.

"Should do this again some time..." He said softly, looking down the passage. "I think I forgot to shut the trapdoor..."

Lily stared at him. "I'm joking!" He laughed, then pulled her back towards the one eyed witch.

---------

It was their fourth year, and they walked down the silent corridors together. He cast her a small glance, then looked back at the floor and continued to walk.

"Sev?" Lily asked eventually. He looked at her instantly, meeting those green eyes and smiling.

"Lily?"

She blushed, then bit her lip. "How'd you fight off a dementor? I mean... I've never seen one but..." she stopped.

"But what?" Severus asked. He realized that they had stopped walking.

"Well... they scare me! And... well... I suppose I don't want to meet one and have my soul sucked out..."

Severus grinned. "I don't think they'd be able to touch your soul anyway..." he murmured softly, absently reaching out to stroke her hand. "It's too pure..."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Excuse me, but I think you'll find that they don't care."

Severus nodded. "Ok... well in that case... you need a Patronus..."

"What's a Patronus Sev?"

He frowned at her. "I thought you were meant to be clever?"

"I am!" She retorted, then blushed. "Just... I'm still learning..."

He hesitated then shrugged. "It's a shield." He said softly. "Taking on the form of an animal, usually one of importance or significance to said witch or wizard... it fights them off... but... they're really difficult... I can't do one..."

Lily looked at him strangely. "What are you meant to do?"

He shrugged. "Think of something happy... maybe that's why I can't do one..." he said bitterly. "I've never been truly happy."

Lily took his hand. "You deserve to be..."

He smiled weakly. "I really don't think so."

"I do." And she kissed his cheek.

-------

"...James Potter is an arrogant toerag!" Severus failed to hear the rest of the sentence, as his whole self seemed to skip with happiness. Even though he knew her mouth was moving, he couldn't hear what she said.

They walked on and he smiled at her.

"I don't want you to smile at me like that Sev!"

"Like what?" Severus asked, bewildered. "I was just..."

"Just don't alright! I don't want to talk to you right now. Did you listen to anything I just said about Mulciber and Avery?"

He opened his mouth, then shut it. "I was... I kind of..."

"Forget it Severus."

--------

He tapped on her shoulder as she passed him in the corridor. She looked at him coldly, then moved to walk on, only he pulled her back. "I think I can do a Patronus!" He told her excitedly.

Lily shrugged, attempting to hide her interest. "Good for you!" She attempted to pull away but he held on with his long fingers enclosing her wrist.

"I know what makes me happy!" He insisted softly.

"Well done!" She replied coldly.

He held on. "It's... at least I think it is... I have to think about you..."

She stopped pulling and looked at him with a tenderness in her eyes. "Me?"

Severus opened his mouth, then looked down at his shoes. "You're the only thing that makes me smile."

He felt her spare hand cover his. "Thank you." She whispered. He let go and smiled at her retreating back. He practically skipped off to class.

---------

He was sat under a large tree. It was almost curfew, and he knew he should get back inside, but he could see the approaching figure and smiled broadly. Lily arrived in her Muggle clothing and sat down next to him. She said nothing for a few moments, then touched his arm.

"I'm sorry about earlier." She said quietly.

Severus smiled. "It's ok."

They sat in silence, then she asked, "so can you do one?"

He shrugged. "I don't know... I haven't tried it out yet... but..." he smiled at her. "I think it should work."

She smiled. "Can you show me how?"

He looked at her, his thin face thoughtful, then nodded. "Yes." He jumped to his feet and helped her up. His hand tingled when she let go. He drew his wand and filled his mind with the image of her in front of him, her smile warming him on the inside, and her eyes... those beautiful eyes... glinting in the moonlight. "_Expecto Patronum!"_

And he saw, out of the corner of his eyes, a silver something errupt from the end of his wand. But he wasn't looking properly. His eyes fell on her, her eyes following the progress of whatever it was that had errupted from his wand.

"It's beautiful Sev!" She whispered. He watched her mouth open slightly, and was overcome by a delightful urge to kiss her. He was leaning forwards when she started to speak again. "Look, Sev, look!"

And he looked. And what he saw made his face drain of colour, and a definitive sense of cold swept over him. It was her. He had known it was going to be her of course, because it was she that made him happy, that made him safe... but no... she couldn't be... but it was. A female deer. A doe. And the image of James Potter, transforming from a stag into his usual arrogant self swept into his mind. His heart clenched. Did this mean that Potter was meant to be with Lily? He looked down at her. She had no idea.

"You have a go..." he said, waving his wand and ridding them of his Patronus, unable to continue looking at it. She looked at him and gulped.

"Now?" She whispered.

He nodded slowly.

"What makes you happy? Really happy?" Severus asked slowly. "What made you the happiest you've ever been?" His heart pounded. He couldn't bear to hear it... yet he had to.

She seemed to think slightly. "I guess... it'd be... when I found out I was a witch..." she looked up at him. "When I met you!"

He stepped back, shocked. "Me?"

She nodded. "Well... I guess it makes it fair...you think of me I think of you..."

"I always do!" He said before he could help himself.

She blushed, then took out her wand.

"Expecto phenomenom!" A trail of fire errupted from her wand.

Severus smiled. "It's Patronum..." he corrected softly.

"Oh yes..." she blushed again. "Expecto patronum!" She jabbed with her wand. He laughed.

"No Lily, look..." he took her arm. "Say it again..." he told her, "and keep thinking about... me."

"_Expecto Patronum!" _Severus directed her wand hand in the correct movement, and instantly a large flying creature errupted from the wand. He held onto her hand as he watched it flit out of sight, then, as it came back, he frowned.

"A bat, Evans?" he smirked. "How very Slytherin."

"Yes, Snape. A doe? How very Gryffindor..."

He met her eyes, gulping. "How very odd..." he murmured.

"What's odd?" She asked quietly. Their lips were inches apart.

"I think my doe is supposed to be you..." he said softly. "And I... I don't like what it means."

He swept away from her and up to the castle, leaving a very confused Lily behind.

--------

"...Mudblood!"

The word had slipped out of his mouth before he could even have controlled it, and now he sat alone on the grass, waiting for something to come and punish him. He hadn't meant to say it. But Potter, the Stag, and Lily, the deer? And seeing the two of them in close proximity of each other, albeit whilst arguing, he couldn't help but feel anger. Why shouldn't he lash out when he saw them near. It was all obvious to him anyway. A sense of cold wrapped around him, and he shivered.

-------

"I know you think I'm a little mudblood, just like everyone of my birth." She told him quietly in the corridor. "But I thought I ought to explain something..." she shot a patronus out of her wand and looked at it.

"You might not care what it means, and you might think that I'm a total grovelling mudblood looking for protection from a true wizard... but that bat's you. And I always trusted you to protect me... I think I always will..."

She went to leave. He grabbed her hand. "Lily..." he said softly... "I love you!" He told her.

Lily hesitated then nodded. "I love you too Sev..."

His heart seemed to lift in his chest and he moved forward to kiss her, but she shook her head.

"Not like that Sev..." she kissed his cheek softly. "You're my best friend... but... I don't fancy you..."

He nodded, numbness spreading through him. "You fancy Potter." He stated it. It wasn't a question.

She hesitated. "No... I'm... I'm going out with him..."

Severus stared at her. "With _POTTER_?" he hissed. "I thought you hated him! You said he was arrogant and... and..."

"He's different Sev!" She intterupted. "And I've got to go."

--------

More than seventeen years later, Dumbledore looked at him as the silver doe disappeared from view.

"After all these years?" He questioned.

"Always." Snape replied.

--------

_He didn't know where he was. It was an oddly large expanse of grass, and there was a tree behind him. It seemed familiar. But he didn't know why... He was naked. That was odd. He pulled on a set of nearby robes. Where was he? He began to walk down the little hill at which he stood. A silhouetted figure stood out ahead of him, but he wasn't sure who it was. Hair seemed to flap in the breeze-free air behind them, and as the woman emerged from the mist, he felt a leaping in his chest. She was here._

_"Hey Sev..." she said softly. And she ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. "Thank you..." she whispered. "For looking after my son..."_

_He wrapped her in his arms. It had been too long since he had held anyone... it was with sick regret that he remembered that it had been almost eighteen years since his last hug with anyone. His last hug with Lily._

_"I did it for you..." he told her softly._

_"I know..." she replied. _

_"I love you."_

_She smiled. "I'm still married Sev..."_

_"I'm not..." he said back._

_She smiled. "Humour on the lips of Severus Snape? I find it hard to believe." _

_He gave the first true smile he had in years. "I could only ever laugh with you." She held out a hand._

_"Come on Sev..."_

_He took her hand._

_"Where's Potter?"_

_"James?"_

_"Yes."_

_Lily smiled. "He's waiting to thank you. For saving his son."_

_Severus looked at her. "Where are we?"_

_She looked back at him. "Don't you recognise it?" _

_He shook his head. _

_"Hogwarts grounds. This is where you taught me the patronus."_

_He smiled. "I know you said I protected you... but you've protected me through all of these years..."_


End file.
